102316

Secret Masters

"So, yeah, we've been keeping you as pets," Fluffy said. She started licking her right front paw.

Kim paused, half into her jeans and balancing on one foot. "What?" She fell over.

"No, don't. Humans aren't built for that. If you were a flamingo, yes, no problem." Fluffy arched her back and stretched. "I need food now. Not tuna." She meowed.

Kim rubbed her butt a minute and then finished getting dressed. She headed for the bathroom.

Fluffy yowled and Kim froze. "No! I need breakfast first. You waste too much time on your appearance anyway. All the young human males would do anything for you even if you went out looking like this. From now on, no makeup. Brush your hair once a week. Move!"

Kim was too befuddled to protest. She stumbled into the kitchen and took a can of cat food out of the cupboard. Fluffy hissed and slashed at Kim's ankle. "Cretinous monster! No tuna! How often do I have to tell you? You are as stupid as you are odorous!"

"Woof!" Buddy charged into the room and lunged at Fluffy. The cat fled and Buddy stopped in the doorway.

"Cats." He shook his head, then trotted over and nudged behind Kim's knee with his head. "Give that tuna to me. And then I need a walk. A long one. Let's go out by the park this time."

"Buddy?" Kim reached for the top of his head and then hesitated. "How come you never talked before? No of course." She slapped her forehead. "I'm hallucinating. Did I take mushrooms last night? I don't even remember last night. I must have taken something."

Buddy wagged his tail. "Last night? I'll tell you what you did last night. You didn't take me for a walk. That's why I need a long one right now. You came home, dropped your purse on the floor, kicked off your shoes (thanks), turned on the TV, laid down on the couch, and fell asleep. Later, you moved to your bed. That was your Friday night. Now. We can do this the hard way or the easy way. The easy way is you get my leash and we go for a walk."

"Coffee..." Kim slurred, bracing herself against the wall with one hand and rubbing her face with the other. "Coffee."

"After." Buddy barked.

Kim staggered to the foyer and took the leash off the hall tree. She clipped it on Buddy's collar, opened the door, and let him pull her out. He ran so fast she took a couple of steps involuntarily and now she could not reach the door to close it. "The door!"

A family of squirrels sauntered up and Buddy shrank down onto his belly. "Never mind, sister," one of the squirrels said. "We have to move some stuff in anyway." Then, to Buddy: "as you were." Buddy got up, shook himself, and looked over his shoulder. "Let's go before they come back out," he said.

The end

Publ. The Simian Transcript 2010