Mr. Smith Makes A Complaint
"I want to make a complaint."
The being behind the counter, white
robed, wingéd, and
possessed of an unearthly beauty, looked puzzled. It cleared its
throat. "I don't think I've ever gotten one of those."
I rolled my eyes. "You must be
new here." Very new, I silently added.
The celestial being looked around,
perhaps hoping to find someone else to deal with me, but no one was
there. "May I help you?" it asked. "Mr....?"
"Smith. I think entropy has come
to the afterlife."
"Entropy? But that implies
progressive, irreversible degradation. It's just not possible here,
what with this place existing outside of time and all." It
smiled reassuringly. Immaculate wings fluttered and a couple of
disarranged feathers settled back into place.
I scratched my head. "That's what
I thought. I've been here a while (not sure exactly how long) and at
first stasis seemed to prevail."
"Go on," it encouraged.
I had been standing in line at the
celestial cafeteria, trying to decide between heavenly ham and a
simple fried egg, when I suddenly wondered why there was a line at
all. I mean, every other time I went to eat, I encountered only
those people I wanted to meet, and we never had to wait. But this
morning, the line had stretched from the heavenly serving area,
through a lobby of unparalleled symmetry, and out doors of surpassing
loveliness into a meadow of unmatched beauty. A murmur had arisen,
and as I craned my neck to see what was going on up ahead, I saw many
others doing the same. In the end, I had to settle for cold pizza,
which makes an excellent breakfast, but wasn't what I wanted.
I later heard that no one had shown up
to serve, which was why only leftovers were available. Not the
level of competence I had come to expect, frankly. Which was why I
decided to register a complaint.
After I finished the story the
attendant did not respond. I waved my hand in front of its face,
cleared my throat loudly several times. Nothing. Finally, I reached
forward and lightly tapped it on the shoulder. It toppled over
backward and plummeted through the cloud like a brick through rice
pudding.
"Aaaaa!!"
I jumped back, tripped, and almost fell
myself. Maybe all this time I'd been wrong about where I'd ended up.
Maybe today's events were the next step in an extraordinarily subtle
form of torment. Wherever this was, I needed to get out.
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