021318

                                                       One Sunday at the Beach


One time I put a seashell to my ear.  I heard the sea, but I also heard a very small voice.  It said "can you hear me?  Put down the shell.  Get away from this beach."

I said "hello?  I had expected just the sea."

I thought maybe the sun was getting to me because I had been feeling kind of puny for the last hour.

"Listen to me you lunkhead!” There was a pause. “Sorry about that, but this is serious.  I was like you once.  I didn't listen.  I laid on my blanket, next to my girl.  I was having a fine time.  Now look at me!  Well, you can't; it's a figure of speech."

I took the shell away from my ear and looked inside.  I didn't see anything except a few sand grains stuck to the shell.  I stuck my finger in there to see if there was anything invisible, but there wasn't.  I put the shell back to my ear.

"...Aughh!  What are you trying to do?  Don't answer that!  Listen, I'm trying to help you.  Trust me, you don't want to end up like I did.  But you'll be just like the last two guys who put this shell to their ears.  God knows where they are now.  Maybe underneath your blanket."

I put the shell down and picked up my blanket.  Nothing was there.  It is a nice big blanket and it's not easy to lay the whole thing out flat.  I really was not feeling myself and I thought about taking the voice's advice and just going home.  Instead I laid down on the blanket again and picked up the shell.

"There you are.  This might be your last chance to take some good advice.  If you want to end up living an interstitial existence, then go ahead and keep ignoring me."

I decided to take that piece of advice at least.  But then I looked at the shell and realized it was really a very large and handsome specimen. I decided to keep it, and started rolling up my blanket.  I thought I'd stop by Subs and Suds and then see what was on cable.

Don't put down the shell! Obviously I never made it.

*

So that's my story, and if you don't want to find out up close and personal what my life has become I advise you to go back to your car and drive away.  Now!