Thursday, November 30, 2017


Aliens Among Us

Landing secretly in major urban areas
all through the 50s & 60's
they look human to the nines
but, the young, especially, had problems with assimilation:
phone booth packing?
goldfish swallowing?
all dead give-aways till humans copy-catted!

A few other clues:

The females' external genitalia
look just like human males'
but their “sperm” are clouds of fertilized eggs
thousands emitted at one go
the aliens reach sexual maturity about when humans do
but their gametes aren't fertile till at least age 35
thank god!
if their teens were fertile
we'd be up to our clavicles by now

how to tell an alien female from a human male
(without a microscope)
femmes, they're called
they never leave the toilet seat up
that's really the only way

their males now,
smaller than femmes (as in most species)
coincidentally resemble female humans
internal genitalia, enlarged mammaries, etc
their sperm are few, precious,
not to be spilled needlessly
we're talking really low sperm counts:
one; two at most

each sperm can quicken scores of eggs
the lil guys contain no genetic material

none; that's not their job

genetic recombination occurs only among females
in rituals no human has yet witnessed
the aliens say, when pressed
“Humanity is not ready.”

All of this brouhaha takes place during copulation
the mechanics of which are mundane
which is to say: alien style—
no weirder than human style to the prurient
quite the else at a micro scale, however:
whole lotta shakin' going on, obv.*

Hitherto our four** species have coexisted amicably
(mauger the Isthmus Incident; look it up)
but signs & portents abound:
boatloads of jabbering clairvoyants & -audients
adrift on major rivers & lakes
Miss Emilie's Daily Astrological Reports (June 16-23 of last year)
assorted unexplained apparitions
unpredictable quakes
most telling of all:'s recently published correlations:
human & alien fads,
propensities, propinquities, & geographical parallelismae***
indicate the imminent quod erat demonstrandum that
humanity's done
by next year it'll be all over but the facebooking
well, at least they won't have to
redesign our bathroom signage much
his → hers
hers → his


* Refer to Dr. Potab L. Ciwater's “Clinical Atlas of Non-Terrestrial Reproduction,” Editions VI or later, vols. 5-9.

** The aliens regard males & females as pairs of symbiotic species; they may be on to something.

***Principal Components Analysis, absurdly high correlations

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