I rarely write song parodies

I want a new ward (to the tune of "I want a new drug," by Huey Lewis and the News)


I want a new ward
One that won't make me weak
One that won't turn my brain to mush
Won't make my gargoyles squeak

I want a new ward
One that won't hurt my head
One that won't make my toenails rhyme
Or grow warts on my bed

One that won't make me nervous,
wondering what I see
I hope that I'm hallucinatin' this gigantic flea
Some colossal predaceous flea

I want a new ward
One that won't bind me here
one that won't sap my lifeforce much
or make my carpet feel real queer

I want a new ward
One that won't start to fray
One that keeps all the gremlins out
And holds broom salesmen at bay

One that won't make me nervous,
wondering what I see
I hope that I'm hallucinatin' this gigantic flea
Some colossal predaceous flea

I want a new ward
One that don't take much blood
One that works in a 30-year drought
One that works in a 100-year flood

I want a new ward
One that won't give me gout
My neighbors' hens better lay
No monsters when the eggs hatch out


One that won't make me nervous,
wondering what I see
I hope that I'm hallucinatin' this gigantic flea
Some colossal predaceous flea


end