Thursday, September 22, 2016

another tale of Bad Roberta

Told to my 2-year-old, because she asked for another.

Bad Roberta Goes to School

Once upon a time, not so far away and only a few years ago, there lived a little girl about your age. Her name was Roberta, but everyone called her Bad Roberta, because she was so very bad.

Bad Roberta was so bad that her parents wanted her to go to school early, so they wouldn't have to have her around the house. They sent her to a private kindergarten when she was four years old.

The first day of school, Bad Roberta showed up in a brand new white dress, with a new backpack, paper, pencils, ruler, and all the other stuff you need in kindergarten. All of the students went in to the classroom, and the teacher wasn't there yet. Bad Roberta put some tacks on the teacher's chair. Then she started shooting rubber bands at the other kids, and hitting them with chalk-filled erasers. The whole class was in an uproar, shouting and screaming and running and hitting, when the teacher came in.

"Oh no," she said to herself, "this is going to be an AWFUL class!" 

She finally got the class quieted down, and began to call the roll. 

Everything went well until she got to Bad Roberta.

"And what is your name, little girl?" the teacher asked.

"Won't tell," said Bad Roberta.

"But you have to tell me," the teacher replied, trying to reason with her.

"Won't," said Bad Roberta. The teacher argued with Bad Roberta, but Bad Roberta simply WOULD NOT TELL.

"In that case, young lady, you are going to the principal's office!"

"Ooooooooooooo!!" gasped all the other kids.

Bad Roberta said "Won't!"

Finally, the teacher had to pick Bad Roberta up and carry her to the principal's office. When the teacher got back to her class, it was lunchtime. The whole morning had been wasted.

Meanwhile, Bad Roberta was waiting in the principal's office for the principal to come talk to her. She opened the middle desk drawer and found it full of pencils, paper clips, and stuff like that. She took everything out and dumped it in the trash can. The principal had a coffee maker in her office, and the pot was full of coffee. Bad Roberta poured the coffee in the trash can too, then put the pot back on the hot burner. The principal was still not back. Bad Roberta darted out of the principal's office, across the main office, and out into the hall. Lunchtime was over and the hall was full of kids.

"Stop, you bad girl," shouted the secretary as Bad Roberta ran past, but Bad Roberta did not stop. The secretary jumped up and chased her, but Bad Roberta dashed into the crowd and the secretary could not see her.

Just then, the principal returned to the office. "A bad little girl was in your office waiting for you to talk to her," said the secretary, "but she just ran out and I couldn't catch her."

"I'll find her," said the principal, but she couldn't. She enlisted the help of both janitors, the special-ed. teacher, the gifted teacher, two of the cooks, and six parent volunteers. They looked everywhere but could not find any trace of Bad Roberta. The bell rang. The school day was over, but still they had not found Bad Roberta.

All this time, the secretary had been checking the lists of students, and calling the parents of all the students who had not answered roll call, trying to find out who the lost girl was. Now she came out of the office and spoke to the principal. "Her name is Roberta," the secretary said, "and her father was not surprised that we had trouble with her. He is on his way over here."

So the principal went into her office to wait, and discovered the mess in her trash can. She also saw the coffee maker. She picked up the pot and it shattered into a thousand pieces. She turned the coffee maker off and went out to the parking lot. Bad Roberta's father was just pulling up to the curb in front of the school.

"I'm really sorry," he began, but the principal cut him off.

"When we find your daughter," she said in a grim voice, "you will take her home with you, and you will never bring her back here again. Is that clear?"

"Yes, ma'am," said Bad Roberta's father.
Just then, Bad Roberta ran out of the school and jumped into the car. 

"I'm ready to go home," she said, "but I'm really looking forward to my second day of school." She smiled sweetly at the teacher, who was glaring and rubbing her backside, and at the principal.

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