Monday, September 26, 2016

Bad Roberta Goes to the Beach

Bad Roberta Goes to the Beach

One summer Saturday Bad Roberta's parents decided to take the family to the beach. They packed up the car with a cooler, a beach umbrella, sand chairs, beach towels, sunscreen, sand toys, water toys, swim suits, a picnic lunch, and everything else they needed for the trip. Bad Roberta had to sit in the way back because she caused too much trouble and made too much noise up front. Her parents sat in the front seat, and her little brother slept in his car seat in the middle seat. Bad Roberta amused herself by eating all the best parts of the picnic lunch and sticking a pin into all the water toys. 
Bad Roberta painted "Who farted" on Gerald's tummy in sunscreen while he slept.

When they got there, Bad Roberta's parents had to take three trips across a half a mile of burning hot sand to carry all the stuff from the car to the beach. "Ow, ow, ow, ow!!" they shouted, as they hopped from one foot to the other across the sand. Bad Roberta ran straight to the ocean and dove in. She jumped waves and splashed water in other kids' faces while her parents set up the beach umbrella, spread out the towels, and got everything else set up. Bad Roberta's father decided to blow up the water toys. He started with Gerald's duck. However, no matter how hard he blew, the duck didn't get any bigger. "There's a hole in this duck!" he shouted at last, "I'll have to inflate something else." Alas, the story was the same. No matter what he tried to blow up, there was a hole. "Robertaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!" She was nowhere to be seen.

"Do you think she drowned?" he asked her mother hopefully.

"We'd better find her before she gets into trouble," she replied. 

"Gerald's asleep. I'll stay here with him; you go look for Bad Roberta." Bad Roberta's father set off down the beach, looking especially for evidence of trouble, and listening for screams and shouts. After he'd gone about half a mile without finding anything, he turned around and went back.

"Have you seen her?" he asked, when he got back to the umbrella. Bad Roberta's mother shook her head. So Bad Roberta's father walked a half a mile down the beach in the other direction. Still there was no sign of Bad Roberta. This time on his way back to the umbrella he had an idea, and he started to run. When he got back there he was panting. "I bet she left the beach," he gasped, "I'll go look." He checked the parking lot. The car was still there and no one was in it. Then he went across the street to the row of restaurants and shops that lined the beach road. He went into each shop and looked around carefully. "Have you seen an obnoxious little girl who likes to cause trouble?" he'd ask. No one had seen her. Finally, he went into a restaurant called "Chez Lobster." It looked VERY expensive. And there, at a table in the far corner of the room, he finally found her. He stomped right over to the table. She was just finishing a seven-course meal. "Bad Roberta!" he shouted, "you are coming with me." He grabbed her wrist and started to march her towards the door. The waiter intercepted them.

"M'sieur," he said politely, "the bill." The bill came to $247.33!! Bad Roberta's father did not leave a tip.
When they got back to the beach he explained what happened. Gerald was crying and Bad Roberta's mother had had all she could take. They packed up and went home. Gerald had spent most of the time at the beach asleep on his back. In the car on the way home, his tan gradually got darker and darker, spelling out "Who farted" in bold white letters in the middle of his chest.

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