Bad Roberta Moves Two Times

Bad Roberta Moves Two Times

Chapter One: Moving to Alabama

Once upon a time there lived a little girl. Her name was Roberta, and she was about eight years old. Roberta was bad. She was very bad. In fact, she was so bad that most people called her Bad Roberta. 

 

At the time of this story, Bad Roberta had acquired such a reputation in her town that her family had to move to a new place far away where no one had ever heard of her. They moved to Tuscaloosa, Alabama. The move cost a lot of money, partly because Bad Roberta was so bad when the movers were loading up the moving van that the moving company quit and her parents had to hire another one. When the second set of movers came, Bad Roberta's parents locked her in her room so she couldn't bother the movers.

 After they got to Tuscaloosa, they went to a real-estate office to look for a house to rent. Bad Roberta's mother said "Bad Roberta, please be good. We want to make a good impression here in Alabama." Then she told Bad Roberta and her little brother that they would have to wait in the car, and Bad Roberta's parents went into the real-estate office.

While her parents were gone, Bad Roberta amused herself by tying their seatbelts together. She also unpacked some of her toys from the trunk and filled the car up with them. While she was doing this, a boy about her age stopped and stared at her.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"What does it look like I'm doing, stupid," Bad Roberta said.

"It looks like you're being bad," the boy replied.

"That's right," Bad Roberta said, "what's it to you?" And she kicked him in the shin.

"Ow!!" he said. "What school are you going to?" he asked, while he hopped around holding his leg.

"I don't know," Bad Roberta said.

"Well, please don't go to Northtown School," the boy said, "that's my school." Then he hopped away.

Chapter Two: Bad Roberta's Crime Spree Begins

The real-estate office was in a mall. Bad Roberta got bored waiting for her parents, so she went into the mall. In the middle of the mall was an exhibit of antique cars. People strolled around, shopping and looking at the beautiful cars. Bad Roberta noticed a couple of boys looking at a baby blue Cadillac convertible. She crept up behind them.

"I'd sure like to be in that car," one of the boys said fervently.

"You just got your wish sucker!" shouted Bad Roberta, and she pushed him into the car. Then she dodged away into the crowd, laughing.

Bad Roberta wandered through the mall. She stole a lollipop from a small child, and later stuck it into a little old lady's hair. She pushed fragile things off of shelves when no one was watching. She pushed a giant potted fern into the fountain in the middle of the mall. She stole candy from several of the stores, and ate it. She went to a music store and took a whole armload of CDs off of the shelves, then she left them at the checkout. She did the same thing in a bookstore. About this time, mall security caught up with her.

"So you're the bad little girl who's been causing all of the trouble today. What's your name!" demanded one of the security guards.

"Puddin Tame," Bad Roberta said, and she dodged between the guard's legs.

Chapter Three: Bad Roberta Whacks Just About Everybody

Bad Roberta ran through the mall, pushing everybody out of her way. Several people fell onto expensive displays of glass and jewelry. Bad Roberta dodged into a toy store and took a plastic whiffle bat. She ran back out of the store. The clerk ran after her. She ran all through the mall. Lots of people tried to catch her, but they couldn't. Every time they got close, she whacked them with the whiffle bat. She whacked just about everybody. She whacked kids, she whacked grownups, she whacked men, she whacked women, she whacked security guards, she whacked mall employees, she whacked shoppers, she whacked and whacked, and whacked, and whacked, and whacked, and whacked, and whacked, and whacked. When the people got close, she ran out of the mall and back to the car. Hundreds of people poured out of the mall after her. Her parents and little brother were standing by the car with the real-estate agent.

Chapter Four: Moving to Montana Soon

Bad Roberta ran up and shouted: "Get in the car!"

Her mother looked at all the people chasing Bad Roberta, and said to her husband, "Get in the car, dear. Get in the car," she said to Bad Roberta's little brother. Bad Roberta's father looked at the real-estate agent and shrugged his shoulders.

"Maybe next time," the real-estate agent said.

They drove away, tires squealing, just as the first of the crowd had almost caught up to them. They got back on the highway and headed west.

"Where are we going?" Bad Roberta's mother asked.

"Maybe Montana," her father sighed.