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The Problem With Ellen

We didn’t know Ellen was a droid

She seemed like any other 20-something

Professional, fit, a bit distant, whip-smart

Maybe we should have guessed

But we didn’t, not till she caught fire.

Sheila worked right across from Ellen

She screamed and jumped out of her chair

Never stopped screaming till it was all over

“Smoke was coming out of its ear,”

She whispered hoarsely, later, “Just pouring out.”

At first Ellen didn’t seem to notice,

Just

kept typing;

She suddenly lurched to her feet, arms waving;

Her lips writhed, but she made no sound,

She staggered to the wall, collapsed,

Hair burst into flames

“I’ve seen that happen to a computer,”

some guy said.

Ellen burned till the fire fighters came,

All our fire extinguishers had long-since expired;

I don’t know why I thought they were inspected every year.

The stink of plastic hung around for days.

That smell stayed with me; it spoiled

my sexual fantasies about her: ugh!

Of course,

Her being a robot made that kinda weird,

And it kept me from asking

Her replacement out; she was quite approachable

But I just didn’t know.

“What’s the problem?” Roger said,

“I’m sure they all have lady parts.”

“They’re not women!”

She went out with him,

But when I asked him about it,

He just shrugged.

I think we all know what that means