040321

 

crawling through the brush

scaly legs

stretch up and up

012020c

Chicken+


we ate you much
before you were self-aware
you were delicious

110619c

Werechicken

once a month I wake up

chicken poop splashed everywhere

taste of bugs in my mouth

101219

Terrible Chicken

Lizard brain stalks its domain,

villagers boil from their nests,

dinner for the king.

Footprints mix in mud, dry.

--much time passes--

Prof. Blattid nods sagely

“These were carved.

“Chickens and humans

“did not co-exist.”

081119

the particle beam

finally brought T. rex down

tastes like chicken

071119c

Genetically modifying
an ordinary chicken
I re-created
the 10 foot tall
Pleistocene terror bird
an amazing achievement
if I do say so myself
but one that I shall regret
as long as I ca

121618c

Oh yeah, THAT chicken

“Get off the counter!” The chicken fluttered onto the dining-room table. I shooed it toward the outside door, but it flew back to the pass-thru. It pecked at the formica. Then it looked at me.

“These pastel boomerangs are so 50′s.”

“Shut up!” I pulled the cleaver off the magnet bar beside the sink. Me and the chicken, we had a history.

“Are you pondering what I’m pondering?” it asked.

“I think so,” I replied, “but you need two witnesses for a legal will, and we’re alone here.”

An echidna wearing a magenta cape leaped from behind the fridge. “That’s where you’re wrong!” it shrieked.

I jumped. I hadn’t expected the echidna. But then, nobody does. I advanced on the chicken, keeping one eye on the echidna, which made menacing gestures with its forepaws. The wind was picking up, and there was a lot of trash in the air. Wind? Indoors? The anteater laughed crazily.

“Kinda slow on the uptake,” the chicken remarked. “Your housekeeping leaves a lot to be desired,” it added. “And your leap was more a stumble” it said to the echidna. At this point paper was knee deep on the kitchen floor and I couldn’t get into the dining room. I backed out into the hall and went around the other way. However, the dining room doorway was stuffed to the top with shredded paper. I could hear the chicken ranting about clashing paint colors and crooked paintings.

I went outside to call 911.

Darrell Crosby answered. We went to high school together. He married Melissa Echols, a girl I’d had a crush on for years. But I didn’t hold it against him. Not considering how things turned out. I mean, I knew she was an animal lover, but that girl went way too far. There should’ve been a law. Heck, there used to be a law. Bottom line, I knew Darrell would be on my side.

“I’d love to help you, Ted. You know how I feel about them. But my hands are tied as long as they don’t hurt anyone. They didn’t hurt you, did they,” he asked hopefully.

“Couple paper cuts. But they’re occupying my house! At least my dining room. Am I supposed to eat standing up?”

“What part of ‘I can’t freaking arrest them’ don’t you get?”

“You won’t do anything.”

“Can’t.” He hung up.

I hate these stupid animal superheroes, but I hate Critical Chicken the most.

112618d

Chicken Tracks

You’ve often corrected the grammar of my office:

the papers, chairs, even pictures on the wall.

I can picture you sweeping the butterflies

back out the window,

a new broom and clean hands,

a ready sentinel in your favorite corner.

My neighbors have recently purchased a satellite dish,

so as to keep up with your activities.

I began to suspect when the sidewalk rolled up like a map,

revealing a moist landscape decipherable only from space.

The garden caught your attention next:

exploding tomatoes were taught proper manners,

and the corn was amazed at your elocution.

It's not fair, you said, that

John Lennon had to die so young;

it makes me weep too,

into the roseate teacup you left for me.

My grandfather would have liked all of this

and those long talks we had could have moved in new directions.

But it's your ghost in the orchard now,

windrowing the fallen apples to spell out cryptic jokes

decipherable only from near-earth orbit.

I beat some dirt out of the rugs yesterday,

you’d have disapproved, I know,

But I'm planting a garden next year;

the azaleas will litany the unsolved social problems of our time

and the vegetables will recapitulate in Urdu.

Alas, the neighbors will remain unenlightened,

for the message will only be decipherable from space,

and the mice have eaten through the cable of their satellite dish.

031918

fishing walkie-talkies
out of the chicken stew
always knew they were smarter
than they looked

072817c

Yellow Chicken Curry (Kaeng Karri Kai)

(Thai)

Serves 5-7

ENTREE

T=tablespoon; C=cup

Ingredients

1 lb chicken breast, skinned and boned [can substitute 1.5 lb chicken legs, cut in half]

2 T oil

2 cloves garlic, sliced

1 onion, peeled and cut into wedges

3 T Yellow Curry Paste

2.25 C thick coconut milk

1 small potato and 1 small sweet potato, peeled, and cut into chunks

1 C frozen corn (thawed) or 1 C green beans

2 kaffir lime leaves, shredded (optional)

Directions

1. Cut chicken into even-sized chunks (or halve chicken legs)
2. Heat oil in wok, fry garlic and onion 3 minutes. Add curry paste and fry 1 minute.
3. Stir in half the coconut milk and bring to boil. Boil rapidly 5 minutes, stirring occasionally. Stir in remaining coconut milk, bring to boil, and add potatoes, sweet potatoes, and chicken. If green beans are raw, add now.
4. Reduce heat and simmer gently 20-30 minutes, or until chicken is cooked and potato is tender. Add corn or green beans [if already cooked] in last 5 minutes.
5. Spoon into serving dishes and sprinkle with lime leaves

Serve with rice.

072617d

Tom Kha Gai

four to six servings

Ingredients

5 cups chicken stock

2 cups unsweetened coconut milk

one half cup lemon juice

one half cup fish sauce

three or four pieces dried galanga root (this is the Kha. Use the dried disk or if not available substitute powdered) (this is a relative of ginger, but the taste is different and it's better not to use ginger. You can freeze fresh galanga root)

three or four lemon leaves or 1 teaspoon lemon zest, grated

two stalks finely minced lemongrass or 2 teaspoons dried lemongrass

8 ounce can straw mushrooms (It tastes different if you substitute another kind of mushrooms, but it still works)

two whole chicken breasts, skinned, boned and sliced into 1 inch pieces (this is the Gai)

two fresh green chile peppers, diagonally sliced 1/8” thick (other hot peppers can be substituted with no problem)

one half teaspoon sugar

Procedure

Heat chicken broth in large pot. Add coconut milk and stir vigorously until blended. Add the lemon juice and fish sauce. Stir in the galanga root, lemon leaves, lemongrass, straw mushrooms, and chicken. Simmer 15 to 20 minutes, or until the chicken meat is just cooked. Stir in the chili peppers and sugar and serve hot.

Orange basil chicken with pear salsa

Orange basil chicken with pear salsa

Ingredients

One chicken breast, about 3 pounds, 1.4 kg

one orange, thinly sliced

12 fresh basil leaves

1 cup, 240 ml, fat-free chicken broth

one orange, sectioned and diced

one pear, diced

one shallot, thinly sliced

1 teaspoon olive oil

1 tablespoon cider vinegar

dash of ground red pepper

1 teaspoon dry sherry

Directions

Lift the chicken skin and slide the orange slices and 10 basil leaves under it. Coat a large nonstick skillet with cooking spray and heat over high heat. Add the chicken and cook until nicely browned, turning occasionally, 10 to 12 minutes. Place in the crockery pot. Pour one half cup of the broth into the same skillet and cook, stirring and scraping, for two minutes to deglaze the skillet. Pour into the crockery pot and add the remaining half cup broth. Cover and cook on low until the chicken is cooked throughout, its juices run clear, and a meat thermometer registers 170°F, seven to nine hours.

Meanwhile, mince the remaining two basil leaves. In a small bowl, combine the diced orange, pear, shallot, oil, vinegar, red pepper, sherry, and minced basil. Cover and refrigerate until ready to serve.

Divide the chicken into thirds; freeze two thirds for later use. Slice the remaining chicken, discarding the skin, oranges, and basil. Serve immediately with the orange-pear mixture.

Serves four

Chinese walnut chicken recipe

Many years ago, the cooking magazine bon appétit published this recipe. It appeared in The Best of…. It quickly became our favorite in that book and we have cooked that recipe many times over the past 35 years or so. We changed it slightly, of course. Here is our version. A couple of things are noteworthy. According to the book, this would serve eight people. It might serve six but I doubt it. Yes, it tastes that good. You can use other nuts, but the best nuts are actually black walnuts, if you can get them. We happen to have a black walnut tree in our backyard, but I realize not everyone is that lucky. Don't use pecans, the flavor isn't strong enough. Yes, we have one of those trees as well.

I don't think this is authentically Chinese, but it is vaguely reminiscent of Chinese food and it is very good.

Chinese walnut chicken

Nominally eight servings, but it isn't really

2 teaspoons cornstarch

2 tablespoons water

two egg whites

three large whole chicken breasts, skinned, boned and cut into 1-inch cubes

three-quarter cup soy sauce

1/4 cup bourbon

2 teaspoons sugar

8 tablespoons oil

six green onions, cut into 2 inch slivers, including stems

five slices fresh ginger root minced

two or three garlic cloves minced

1 1/2 cups chopped walnuts

Rice

Mix together cornstarch, water and egg white. Add chicken and toss until thoroughly coated.

In small bowl combine soy sauce, bourbon and sugar.

Heat skillet or wok and add 2 tablespoons oil. Stirfry chicken for about 3 to 5 minutes or until completely cooked. Remove from pan.

Add remaining oil to pan and stirfry onions ginger and garlic 1 minute. Return chicken to pan and continue cooking one minute. Add soy bourbon mixture and cook quickly until sauce thickens. Stir in walnuts. Serve with rice.

031916b

by the time it hatched

the chick had been counted 

so many times

021916c

Poultry Planet

A global monarchy
King of the hill
Ruffle his feathers at your peril
The mammals had their paltry time
A few million years, really
The dinos are roaring back
Second coming, some say
But they've deployed a ring of armed satellites facing out
No more surprise bolides
Thank you very much
And they are modifying their own genomes
Bringing teeth back
By popular demand

chicken w pear salsa recipe

Orange basil chicken with fruit salsa

Ingredients

One chicken breast, about 3 pounds, 1.4 kg
one orange, thinly sliced
12 fresh basil leaves
1 cup, 240 ml, fat-free chicken broth
one orange, sectioned and diced
one pear, diced
one shallot, thinly sliced
1 teaspoon olive oil
1 tablespoon cider vinegar
dash of ground red pepper
1 teaspoon dry sherry

Directions

Lift the chicken skin and slide the orange slices and 10 basil leaves under it. Coat a large nonstick skillet with cooking spray and heat over high heat. Add the chicken and cook until nicely browned, turning occasionally, 10 to 12 minutes. Place in the crockery pot. Pour one half cup of the broth into the same skillet and cook, stirring and scraping, for two minutes to deglaze the skillet. Pour into the crockery pot and add the remaining half cup broth. Cover and cook on low until the chicken is cooked throughout, its juices run clear, and a meat thermometer registers 170°F, seven to nine hours.

Meanwhile, mince the remaining two basil leaves. In a small bowl, combine the diced orange, pear, shallot, oil, vinegar, red pepper, sherry, and minced basil. Cover and refrigerate until ready to serve.

Divide the chicken into thirds; freeze two thirds for later use. Slice the remaining chicken, discarding the skin, oranges, and basil. Serve immediately with the orange-pear mixture.

Serves four

One of my references is the Little Red Hen

Chicken application

Why? 30 words or less.
Hammering nails with my beak.
Free eggs.
Fletching arrows.
All rooster, all the time.
He's everywhere, he's everywhere.
Love peeps.
Want to see what's on the other side.
Oh! Corn!