122617

elves slink back to their dens

the darkened workshop
home to ice roaches

when the ice cap breaks
they'll be out of luck
for 100,000 years

122517c

Christmas in the New World

Santa

a reanimated corpsicle

reindeer fertilized GMOva

VTOL sleigh

presents like you wouldn’t believe

122517

Santa in the time of warming

Santa checked his list a second time. Cargo on board, ship sealed, launch tube filled with water, pressure equalized. He was off.

As it cleared the sea surface, Santa's sleigh sprouted wings. Powerful engines coughed to life and plasma kissed the frigid Arctic water.

"Look ma! It's a flying fish!" "It's a plane!" "It's Santa Claus! " "Hush, children. Chew your blubber."

Acceleration pegged, he's fast. Damn fast. Actually, they call him the streak. You gotta admire his physique.

Santa fired up the Chronotron when he hit cruising altitude. Psychedelic colors out the wazoo. His sleigh fugued. S l e i g h s. T o y s t o o.

2048 Santas disbursed toys with manic speed. But for every stocking filled, 1.17 babies gave out their first cries.

10,000 elves worked for Polar Enterprises. World population growth had forced Santa into an "arms" race he could not win. Corners were cut.

"DaAaaAaD! Santa left me a game console carved from a bar of soap!" "Wadja expect for free?"

Presents rattled down the chimney. "Ho ho ho" blue-shifted into the supersonic shattered windows and the fish tank. "Sorry," drifted down.

Genevieve tore open the white package, ensanguined in the red-litten den."You shouldn't have!" Whips and cuffs: just what she'd asked for.

Unidentified blip, fighters scrambled, just after pilots smoked surprise holiday presents.

The jet fighters, their hash-powered pilots drifting in and out of consciousness, lost the rocket in a mysterious polar fog.

Plunging into the Arctic Ocean as dawn broke, Santa had one last gift in the back. Mrs. Claus did look good in Victoria's Secret. Ho ho ho!

end

122417c -- Merry Christmas

rapping on the housetop

Dad touches off the fire

in its den by the hearth

tomorrow we’ll buy

a new deep freeze

for now they’ll keep in the snow

122217

bah humbug
is outdated
the new version
is unprintable
but it goes
a little something like this:
@%&*)$#!!

which reindeer are girls?

with reindeer extinct,
and the Arctic defrosted,
Santa turned to the noble
Norway rat to pull his sleigh
he saved money on fodder
laid off the elves
put the rats to work in the workshop
during the 364 day off-season

Blitzen woke up screaming
just a nightmare
Donner assured him

a seasonal thought

The trouble with travelling close
to light speed:
soon you have to celebrate Xmas
every few minutes.
Where are you going
to find all those presents
in a closed ecology?
And Chanukah?
Forget 8 days worth of oil:
What about
3600 years worth
of candles?