With a Grain of Salt
Taffy had done 18
months for hijacking one of Peter Piper's trucks. Stole16 tons of
pickled peppers (Why?! Who knows?). But Piper had a good alibi.
He'd been home with his wife, eating pumpkin pie and playing cards
with a couple of neighbors. So who killed a two-bit hood by ripping
his throat out, dousing him with slime, and dumping him in Sir
Reginald Thimble's flower bed? A similar murder in Dressmakers St.
put me on the right track My client was a member of the notorious
Tailor Gang At last everything was piecing itself together in my
head.
*
Sir Reginald's front
door was open. Running up the steps I slipped and landed hard. A
trail of goo came up the drive and went through the door. I
followed, and almost tripped over the butler. Crushed flat.
Three well-dressed
victims had been smoking in a room off the main hall,.my client among
them. Blood was everywhere. I stepped back out. A snail the size
of a Volkswagen was coming up fast from the back of the house. I
pulled a salt shaker out of my pocket and raised it high. The snail
stopped in its trail.
“So it is down to me
and it is down to you, Deadbolt,” the snail gurgled. I was
surprised to hear a mollusk quoting “The Princess Bride.”
Usually they go in for live theater when they seek entertainment.
“One question,” I
said. It dipped an eye stalk “Why? Did the Tailors pay you to hit
the Welshman? And if they did, why start killing them? You're a
pro, not a garden-variety psycho.”
“You humanoids are
all crooked. They put the hit on the little thief cos he was stupid
enough to rip them off. Only an idiot steals from a syndicate.”
“You won't get an
argument from me,” I said, “but what about the Tailors? Doing
your civic duty?”
“Thread-biters didn't
pay me.” It sounded outraged. “I let that get out, that people
can push in my eyestalks, and I won't be eating.”
“Three square meals a
day where you're going now,” I said, “you can thank me later.”
Meanwhile, I had unscrewed the lid of the saltshaker. It would last
until the cops got here with a couple of 25 pound sacks.
The end
This story is part of a series that was published as Nursery Rhyme Noir. The book is available here:
http://store.albanlake.com/product/nursery-rhyme-noir/
References
"Taffy"
http://www.zelo.com/family/nursery/taffy.asp
"Peter Piper"
http://www.zelo.com/family/nursery/peterpiper.asp
"Peter, Peter,
pumpkin eater"
http://www.zelo.com/family/nursery/peterpeter.asp
"The tailors and
the snail"
http://www.rhymes.org.uk/a24-four-and-twenty-tailors.htm
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