010622c

"I'm going to stay with Grandma," little Hans shouted, running off into the woods. "She lets me stay up late and eat her gingerbread house."

Greta, deep in her book of fairy tales, didn't notice he was gone until it grew too dark to read.

051621b

 

Under the 500th hat was no hairy pate, but a yawning chasm, a howling cyclone of no return, and the king was very sorry indeed.. For a few moments

050621b

 

Stars love to cuddle, which causes spectacular eruptions. However, intercourse with the zombie stars called (by some) black holes really sucks.

042621

 

The physics professor, despondent after her divorce, sent a micro black hole back in time: most elaborate form of attempted suicide known. Miscalculated the adjustment for the movement of Earth through space in the 12th decimal place. Sorry about Neptune.

042221d

 

What I miss most about Earth is skiing. Mars has no snow. And swimming, sailing, flying.... Is it too late to change my mind?

040521c

 

The native shingles were suiciding at an alarming rate. Some even offered to pay them, but it did no good. They no longer wanted to waste their lives nailed to roofs.

040421c

 

Space Invaders were the hottest toys that year.  April 15 they struck. Turned out the packaging fine print had laid out the entire plan. NOW we believed it.

040221b

 

On Jupiter, it turns out, tornadoes are typically several hundred miles wide. Pity about the colony.

032821d

 

Shopping wherever they have stout walk-in freezers. Because, summer, 1981, Lawrence KS--across from the abruptly silenced radio station, nothing else was left.

032621

 

On cheesecake world, raspberry ridge was the only prominence. Hard to climb, but oh so tasty.

032221c

 

Sure, a new ice age. In 300,000 years. It'll be so cool!

032021c

 

No matter how often he turned Gran's pot to face the sun, he soon felt her glare on his back. Finally, Jon reached for the shears.

031621b

 

Waking inside the glass coffin. Stumbling out of a row of identical tubes, all floored with bone and dust. New sun and a dozen worlds fill the viewscreen.

031421c

 

A little genetic tinkering and carpenter bees could create "hand-carved" decorations in any untreaed wod. The best could reproduce Victorian furbelows and were soon much in demand. Of course, it wasn't long before GMO terrorists cultured strains that could carve slogans on demand.

030421c

 

How I Spent My Summer Vacation For The Rest Of My Life

 

Jimmy snuck his EMP generator onboard, but we didn't know that till they gave us kids a control-room tour.

030221b

 

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes

 

Nobody thought marshmallows were dangerous either, until one almost destroyed New York City.

022521b

 

Radishes soon joined the strike, demanding higher wages, time off, and overtime pay. They produced only tough spindly roots and threatened to keep it up as long as needed.

021521b

 

The natives didn't "get" Valentine's Day, but then, they could easily grow new hearts. It made for a gruesome holiday, to Terran eyes.

020521c

 

Stalked by the celeroids, Dr. Frankenveg quickly came to rue his latest gene-manipulation experiment.

012821c

 

Select 100% terran tuna, certified vat-grown on the home world before the Incident, and cryoshipped directly to the Capital ahead of the wavefront.