022920

What Kind of God Would Allow This To Happen?


How inconvenient!
The Creator allowed us to invent time units,
based on a perfectly sensible diurnal cycle,
that leave leftover bits
at year's end:
WKOGWATTH?

So every 4 years,
we just make up a day,
out of nothing, out of desperation,
'cept every 100,
'cept every 400,
and it just goes on,
by a process of successive approximations:
WKOG etc?

Plus,
and furthermore,
a mere billion years ago,
nearly 500 days per yea,r
and in the beginning, a spinning top,
a whirling dervish:
is there no constant in this world?
W etc!

So, does anyone really know what time it is?
Does anyone even really care?

123019c

one more year
till the end of the decade
not that anyone cares

071018c

his life's ambition
to make it onto a page a day calendar
maybe with puzzles or jokes on the back
so his page wouldn't be recycled
so fast

041918

this calendar
of insults was made by fools
not funny at all

010218c

Today

January the Tooth: Mastication Day, chew your food carefully today or else!

101917b

you will be glad to know


the bad-joke calendar
a good gift for me
the jokes are so bad
even I don't think they're funny
some are the one about…
some are puns that just punish
some depend on relationships that don't exist
one in 10 brings a chuckle
one in 50 makes other people laugh
7/365 ain't bad!

Common decency
not the fear of legal action
prevents me from reproducing
even the best of them here

2/1/17

a month
by any other name
Squiduary
we venerate the cephal
opod and its mighty brain

012617

pin-up squid


a form divine
really working the
chromatophores
the slender, graceful beak

and those tentacles
so firm, yet supple
I mean
look at those suckers!

032316b

Weekly Revisions


after hump day is vesicle day
on which pharmaceuticals
pouf into the air
with each incautious movement

and of course tubule day
fluids are exchanged on that day
and much is the joy thereof

tread gingerly on spur day
don't start altercations
finish them

separation day
sales of duck tape are brisk
keep an eye on each part
and on each eye

adhesion day can be problematic
forebear to embrace
we two are one
nothing tantric here

signaling day; visual tourette's
squid react unexpectedly
to exposed and mottling skin
cover up thoroughly

last is mastication day
about which the less said
the better

Never did a calendar before

The Alabama Museum of Natural History calendar (2013) features 12 photomicrographs by me of rocks. Pretty ones.