Pour on the juice, Scotty
"Another
cup of tea please." Billingsgate leaned back in the command
chair
and
surveyed the bridge with steely blue eyes under bristly black brows
beneath
a smooth, unlined forehead overshadowed by a shock of iron-grey
hair.
Dead ahead: the Sun. Astern: the entire Glycymeris invasion fleet, in
hot
pursuit. To his left: first officer Ramrod T. Robbins. To his right:
Galina
Leonova, navigator. Behind him, Gunner Mac MacToole, chief engineer
Scotty
Dirtbuns, and Pattycake McMuffin, concierge. In his pants: the crown
jewels.
And in his cabin: Felina Venusia, Princess of Glycymeris and
trans-galactic
love slave. Pattycake knelt beside the command chair, a
freshly
brewed cup of Earl Grey tea in a bone-china cup on a bamboo platter
in
her hands. Without looking away from the forward viewscreens,
Billingsgate
took the tea. "Thank you, Patty" he murmured.
Robbins
cleared his throat. "Sir?" Billingsgate nodded. "Sir,
the sun is a
bit
warm this time of year." Billingsgate said nothing. "When
do you plan
to
turn aside?" the first officer persisted.
Billingsgate
smiled. "We shall not turn aside," he replied, "for if
we did,
we
would be instantly overtaken by the Glycymeris fleet."
"Why
not return the Princess," Leonova asked, "is one pubescent
octopoid
worth
our lives?" There were murmurs of agreement from around the
bridge.
Only
Scotty was silent.
Billingsgate
sighed. "I had wanted it to be a surprise, but Scotty whipped
up a
hyperdrive for us last night. We will jump into the fourth dimension
and
safely pass through the Sun, leaving the Glycymerans empty
tendriled."
"But
sir," Ramrod protested, "the fourth dimension is time, it
is not a
spatial
referent."
"Exactly,"
Billingsgate replied, eyes flashing, "we will pass through the
present
location of the Sun, but at a time when the Sun is not there!"
"Brilliant,
Sir." Leonova said admiringly.
"Good
work, Scotty," MacToole ejaculated.
The
Sun swelled in the view screen. The temperature rose on the bridge.
And
rose.
Sweat ran down Billingsgate's face and pooled on the floor, and still
he
remained expressionless and motionless. The others began to fidget.
"The
Glycymerans have turned aside Sir" Leonova announced.
"Now
Scotty!" Billingsgate shouted, and the engineer pulled down a
huge
violet
lever that the others had not noticed previously. The sun vanished,
then
reappeared, vastly larger than before. Pattycake McMuffin gasped.
Billingsgate
wet his pants.
"Scotty!"
he screamed.
"Sorry
Sir," Scotty said, "forgot to carry an exponent
apparently."
*Foom*
